England's diary
by V.9.5
Summary: America has England's diary. A lot of things happen. WARNING: OOC England and his mouth.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi this is a one shot, so... yeah.**

 **Kayle X**

"HEY EVERYBODY! THE HERO HAS SOMETHING TO SHOW YOUUUUU!" Alfred screamed at the top of his voice, causing China's ears to bleed. The Asian nation screamed, desperately trying to keep the blood from going on his new uniform.

"I agree with America," Japan said, not really listening.

"Belaruuuus! Please stop now! It is meeting!" Russia shouted at his younger sister while hiding under the table. Belarus simply laughed manically, held back by Ukraine.

"Um, hello? Is anyone-" Canada was trampled by France being thrown across the room by England.

"You wouldn't know poetry if it slapped you in the face!" screamed the green eyed nation.

"Oh honhonhon baguettes I would, Angleterre," France cooed, swooping on the small nation who yelled and hit him in the face with a book.

"EVERYBODY SHUT UUUUUP!" roared Germany. China stopped stopping the blood coming out of his ears, Japan didn't do anything, Canada tried to get himself off the floor, England threw France to the other side of the table and sat down, Russia crawled out from underneath the table and Italy hung off Germany's arm.

"PAAAASTAAAA!" he cried happily, causing all the other nations to stare. Germany sighed, knowing that Italy did that to get the other nations to pay attention. Not that his shouting didn't work, of course.

"Hey, hey hey! Thaaanks, Germany!" America said cheerfully, taking over. "But guess what I have?"

"Another stupid plan to stop global warming?" a voice muttered- most likely England's.

"No way Jose! I have..." America held up a green book. "ENGLAND'S DIAAARY!"

England screamed in utter terror, his eyes going completely white, before trying to get over the table to America. "Give that back, you git! That contains my bloody private thoughts-" France held England back. "LET GO OF ME WANKER! YOU HAVE NO IDEA- MMMFFF!"

Russia, after saying goodbye to his sisters, had slapped a piece of tape over England's mouth. He smiled his childish smile. "Izvinite, (sorry) America. Do go on." He was quite curious as to what the diary held.

America laughed, then opened it to the first page. "January 1st! I set fire to the scones, I watch it burn as... I... touch... my... eyebrows...? What the hell?"

All of a sudden a picture-or rather an image, burst out of the book, of England in his kitchen. He was covered completely in flour, and was singing.

"I set fiiiiiiire, to the scones," he sang, not noticing the fire that was growing behind him on his ruined scones. "Watch them buuuuurn, as I touch my eyebroooo- AAAHHHHH!" his song finished with a scream as at that moment, he turned around and the flames were literally burning his eyebrows. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" He ran out of the kitchen, screaming.

A boy (about 16) who was completely mint green except for his skin came running. He was wearing green bunny ears on his head. "MASTER! What's wrong?"

"MY EYEBROWS! _MY EYEBROWS!"_

"Wait, stop drop and roll! Stop drop and roll!"

England stopped, dropped and rolled. "Phew, thank GOD that's over!" His eyebrows were still perched on his head, not a single mark on him. The only thing that could tell a complete stranger that he had been on fire a few seconds previously was the smell of smoke wafting around him. The mint green boy sighed, rubbing his forehead.

"How are your eyebrows still there? How much hair is on those things?"

England huffed. "Excuse YOU! I trim these every week, thank you very much!"

The image faded. America was rolling around on the floor laughing his head off (Canada was doing it with him but no one noticed). Germany was staring bemusedly at the spot where the image had been. Italy had lost interest ages ago and was playing with a cat behind Germany. France had loosened his grip on England, also open mouthed, but England was trying to sink into the floor and disappear. The Communist countries and Japan simply raised their eyebrows, Russia letting out a little chuckle.

"Ahen...? Are you alright?" China said worriedly. He had noticed England frantically trying to sink into the floor. The red faced blonde looked up, but before he could answer, America had turned to the next page.

"January 2nd!"

Another image burst out. This time it was the Magic Trio and they were in England's house. Romania was sitting in a pink chair next to Norway, doing something on his phone. Norway was in front of the fire, hands brought together in front of his lips, staring into the red, angry flames. England was nowhere to be seen.

"You know when England's gonna turn up?" asked Romania to the silence. Norway shook his head.

At that moment, England walked in through the door. He was completely wet from head to toe, even though it wasn't raining outside. Romania sat up, slowly leaning away from his friend, and Norway opened his mouth.

"Unicorns," England said. "A helluva LOT of unicorns."

Norway nodded in understanding. "Anyway, America says your cooking sucks and Russia has extended a message for you to become one with him. Again."

"That's what you called me out here for? I have an army waiting outside!" England moaned, aghast. Romania jumped up excitedly, running to the window. He pulled back the red curtains, peering outside.

"Umm... Art?" He said, turning to face the nation.

"What? They aren't using their guns to make marshmallows again are they? Because if they are..."

"No, it's just that... No one's outside."

England, rather comically, dropped the cup of tea that had mysteriously materialized, trying to run to the window. However, he slipped on his tea, and with a girly shriek of terror, went down, arms waving. Norway nearly fell off his chair, laughing.

"Oh, Art... You sounded like such a little girl!" Norway gasped, tears coming out of his eyes. England pouted, crossing his arms forlornly.

"I did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Uh guys... The army...?"

"Oh yeah!" England said, this time managing to run to the window successfully. Romania was right- there was no one there. "SHIIIIIT! I forgot my army!"

"How can you forget a whole army?!" Norway asked. "I mean, it's not like it's Canada..."

"ARGH! Where could they be, where could they be?" England ranted, not noticing Romania back away slowly from him. He paced up and down. "Oh my GOD! This is even worse than when I accidentally left a baby America in a nightclub!" He snapped his fingers. "The supermarket!" he ran out, the door slamming behind him.

Romania and Norway stared at the spot he was standing.

"He left America in a nightclub?"

"I'm beginning to see why he wanted independence..."

The image dissolved, and America turned accusing eyes on England. "You left me in a NIGHTCLUB?!" he yelled at his former mentor. England scoffed.

"No way! More like outside the nightclub... Alone... In the dark... With no one watching you... Wow, I am not making this any better for myself..."


	2. Chapter 2

**I couldn't fit it into one chapter so...**

"You left me outside a nightclub?!"

"I found you, didn't I?!" England said, throwing his hands in the air, smacking France in the face.

"What were doing there in the first place?" Canada asked, but he went unnoticed.

"Let's move on, shall we?" France said, rubbing his cheek. China looked down at himself, noticing with dismay that there was blood all over his new uniform. He frowned. Dammit! That was new!

"January 3rd, ze Magic Trio and I tried out ze eyebrows," France read out. "Ummm..."

The mini 'movie' this time showed the Magic Trio standing outside England's house. England was frowning, Romania was totally upstaging him and Norway was just being mysterious. _Mission Impossible III_ style music came on and England looked side to side, hair whipping back and forth.

"Vlad! Where do we go?" he shouted. Romania jumped to attention, adjusting his hat.

"I don't know, Art!" The country jabbed his fist in the air, bringing it back down again. "Our bosses said we have to _carry out this mission covertly, and with finesse!_ Whatever that means..."

Norway sighed. "I believe we're spying on the Axis Powers."

England pointed to Norway. "Great work, No-chan! But first, we have to know where they are! This calls for my amazing mind reading skills!" He squeezed his eyes shut, pressing his fingers to each side of his head. "Urgh..."

"Come on Art! You can do it! Hack their minds!" Cheered Romania. Norway sighed, shoulders slumping.

"I can't believe I'm friends with these idiots..."

"I'VE GOT IT!" shouted England, punching the air. "They're in... Tokyo!"

Romania gasped. "Tokyo? How will we get there!?"

Norway groaned. "We can take my car, if you want..."

England smirked, "I have a much quicker way! QUICK!" He shouted, surprising the other two, and the countries who were watching the diary entry. "GRAB MY EYEBROWS!"

Romania grabbed the left one. The two looked expectantly at Norway, who scowled. "No."

"Awww, come on, No-chan!" whined Romania, not letting go of England's eyebrow. "Pleeeeease? With the sugary lumps on top? And jam! Your favourite!"

"No."

"No-chan, you're completely ruining our adventure!" England complained.

"This isn't an adventure! We were told to gather intel on the Axis Powers, not be idiots!" yelled Norway. Romania gasped and let go of England's eyebrow, putting his hands over his heart.

"No-chan! What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, you two are idiots! Arthur is always uptight around the other nations, and you are always upstaging everyone, but when you two get together, it's like dealing with two hyperactive kids! You're even worse than America!" He turned away during this mini-speech, but turned back...

... To find England and Romania staring at him with puppy dog eyes. He groaned. "No, I'm not falling for..." he trailed off as England began to sniffle and Romania's bottom lip began to wobble.

"Please, No-chan?" they whispered, completely and utterly adorable. Norway spluttered, but he couldn't take his eyes off their faces. Then he sighed. "Fine." Reluctantly, he grabbed hold of England's right eyebrow.

"YAAAAAY!" the two shouted joyfully, Romania clutching England's left eyebrow again. "Do it, Art!"

England pointed to the sky, in a fashion similar to a superhero. "To Tokyo, Japan, eyebrows! Time to go on a magical adventure!"

Within a second, the 3 of them were shooting upwards into the sky, curving over and away. A rainbow formed after them, clouds hanging off of it. Romania was giggling madly, England still had his superman stance up, and was humming Indiana Jones under his breath and Norway simply sighed grumpily, but a smile was playing at the corner of his lips.

THE END appeared at the end of the rainbow they had left, but their laughter could still be heard.

The countries were still staring at the spot the movie had been. "Well, I cannot say your life is... uninteresting, Angleterre..."

"Your eyebrows are magic, da?" Russia said curiously, inspecting England's eyebrows. England yelped and jumped away.

"No! They're not magic at all! They're normal eyebrows!"

"Well clearly not," America said pointedly.

"I agree with America."

"Ahen? Are you sure your sanity is completely intact?"

"Yes it is," England snapped, going red in the face. "I just got a bit carried away that day."

"You... YOU SPIED ON US?!" screamed Germany. "I knew I could smell tea that day! COME HERE!" He launched himself over the table, fingers wrapping around England's throat.

England screamed a high pitched scream, "FRAAAAAAANCE!"

"ANGLETERRREE!"

"GERMANY, NO!" Japan shouted, standing up so fast his chair fell straight back onto Italy, who was playing with a cat behind his chair.

"VE~ GERMAAANNNEEEE!" Italy screamed as he was trapped under the chair.

That was how the meeting ended, with Germany strangling England, America finally noticing his brother, Japan karate chopping everything in sight, France crying and trying to get Germany off England, Italy wailing for Germany because he was trapped underneath the chair, China shouting, "Aiyah, aru! Calm down!" And Russia just smiling childishly and doing the creep when no one was looking.

Such is the life of Hetalians.

 **I hope you enjoyed that thoroughly and if you have time, review. If not, favourite, please.**


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